Denmark is the oldest kingdom in Europe with a rich history of conquest, trade and culture. Regrettably, being lower even than the Netherlands, Denmark will be the first to disappear as the waters rise. The 5.5 million people of Denmark speak a language they themselves do not understand, with a numbering system that contradicts all laws of Math. Its consonant-free nature did not stop Denmark from winning the Eurovision in 1963; they won again (in English) in 2000.

Facts Capital: Copenhagen Economy: Dairy products, beer, cookies, exploiting Greenland's natural resources and labour force, wind turbines Famous landmarks: The Little Mermaid, Tivoli, Legoland, Birthe Kjær

I have found the essential guide to this year's Eurovision. The darlings at ESCnation has compiled a guide to every single competing nation (and Georgia). It is hysterically funny (and some bits are not safe for work - such as the description of Poland) even if you do not care a tuppence about Eurovision.

Speaking of which, I sat through a live-stream of the Swedish national final and sadly the best performance was a strange, beautiful version of last year's winner. I really didn't get the winning song, Malena's La Voix and, apart from a late 1990s-esque boyband and the ever discotastic Alcazar, didn't tap my feet at any stage. Hmph. Sweden, you disappoint me.

(And in case you are dying to know, Norway is emerging as the big favourite to win.)