People can often be afraid of change; it feels scary or upsetting. I tend to view change as something positive, and it is with this mindset that I post this blog entry.

Hello.

Right now the cherry tree outside my kitchen windows is changing from green to the most delicate red you can imagine. The tree is forever adapting to changes in temperature and available sunlight. Looking at the cherry tree is cheering, whether it is the lovely cherry blossoms in spring or the beautiful autumnal leaves. I even find it cheering in the depths of winter as the bare branches stretch towards the sky with promise.

The tree reminds me that change is inevitable and that if we prepare and adapt, change is always positive.

I have spent the last many months going through intensive trauma therapy as I have come to terms with some awfully dark things that happened to me as a child and young adult. You don’t need to know the details, but trauma therapy has been very hard and also very good. I have realised the depths of my trauma as well as recognised the well of resilience inside me. All the terrible things which happened to me do not define me, and I am so very proud of the life I have today.

Working through things with an excellent therapist has made me realise that I need to make some changes to my life. Change is always a positive if you come prepared.

This year marks 12 years since I began working in the knitting industry. I have been self-employed for the past seven years, and I have mostly learned how to be self-employed by being self-employed. This has been fun, but also stressful and occasionally incredibly unhelpful. 

So, let's embrace change and make things better. 

The biggest (and scariest change!) is that I am retiring from teaching at yarn shows and yarn shops. This is not a step I take lightly as I absolutely love teaching. Nothing beats seeing lightbulbs over students' heads and watching clever knitters gleefully take on new challenges. However, teaching comes with travel, and travel is very, very physically challenging for me.

Online classes will resume, but in a limited capacity (and Patreon supporters will be the first to know). I'm trying to figure out how much teaching I can do within my abilities, so watch this space. Occasionally I may pop up as a guest teacher/lecturer on a knitting tour; however, I will no longer be leading those. 

Limiting my teaching is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, but needing to spend less time recovering after travel means more time for the good stuff!

I'm also cutting out a lot of clutter. Most of this will not be visible to you, but I have been doing much 'behind the scenes' stuff like technical writing, copy editing, consulting, and mentoring. While many of these things are intellectually stimulating, they can also be draining or distracting. However, many of you have told me that you would like to see me do more writing, and I was so thankful to hear this as I had already decided to spend more time writing (and some of my more esoteric classes will become essays/book chapters in due course). I'll continue to write on Patreon as well as in other contexts.

What gives your life purpose? Those were the words of my therapist the other day, and I had to take a moment to reflect. In many ways, the important things in life are the things I did not get as a child. Having agency, the right to a voice, and the freedom to express yourself are three things I value both in my personal life and in my work.

My work is all about empowerment. I want you to become the best storyteller of your life that you can possibly be. I want you to make beautiful things that matter to you. I want you to have a voice through the medium of your choosing. And going forward, that is going to be my focus.

Designing items that reflect your right to speak up and have a voice is a gift to myself as much as it is a gift to you. Whenever I publish a pattern, it belongs to you as much as it belongs to me. You can change the colours, the length of the sleeves, twist the cable the other way, or even turn the cowl into a hat. If I write something that resonates with you, I want you to own your reaction and use it for good. 

And finally, never underestimate the power of making. I became a maker as a child - both because I grew up in a very creative family but also because it let me express myself when I felt I had no other outlet. Making is an act of rebellion and creation. You make something exist in the world, creating something out of seemingly nothing. Whether you struggle with depression or you are working a job you loathe, making something is an incredible feat. Baking a cake, cooking a meal, planting a garden, drawing doodles .. every act of making stuff is incredibly powerful.

Going forward, I will be making changes slowly. I will try to make decisions thoughtfully and consciously, because I need to place them within what I've learned over the last few months. 

I hope to have your full support (and your support over the last few months has been truly immeasurable) no matter what the future holds. It will look a bit like that cherry tree, I think: leaves changing colours, adapting and flourishing.

Change is always positive.