humour

Blue Is The Colour

This is highly amusing. It is an edited transcript of Newcastle football club interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference yesterday:

JK: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?

SB: Me.

JK: You're a c*nt.

SB: Thank you.

JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely f*cking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f*ck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f*cking crap. No f*cking way, lies. F*ck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] f*cked off.

And the press conference just gets better and better from there. Thank you, Live-In Boyfriend, for pointing this one out. It's hysterical.

Is It Only Tuesday?

You know what I abhor? The phrase "one of them". I was told Saturday that all foreigners should leave Scotland and when the speaker learned I was foreign, he qualified his words with a "but you're not one of them" excuse. If I had a penny for every time I have heard people use that phrase, I'd be knitting cashmere sweaters. It's a lousy, cheap way of trying to seem less xenophobic and more inclusive, but the phrase only makes the speaker appear more racist and exclusive. Anyway. Sorry for that mini-rant. It has been a long week even if it is only Tuesday. My head is pounding and I still haven't had dinner (because cake does not count). Let's go for some delightful links.

+ Viktor & Rolf's Barbican Exhibition. Side-by-side comparisons of runway models and quite creepy dolls. Interestingly, it took longer to recreate V&R's clothes in doll-size than it took to create the original runway look. + Interesting Bookcases and Bookcase Designs. I used to know someone who lived in a 17thC Copenhagen townhouse and who'd use the rafters as her bookshelves. It was awesome. I really like the children's bookcase-bedroom, actually. Wonder if it would be possible to recreate that in an adult size? + The Word Clock. What it says on the tin. + Czech uranium glass buttons. Uranium?! I came across these listings on eBay and I still don't know what to make of them. + I'm not a huge fan of cupcakes but this shark attack cupcake mountain is fantastic.

Finally, Charles Bernstein on the current global crisis:

Let there be no mistake: the fundamentals of our poetry are sound. The problem is not poetry but poems. The crisis has been precipitated by the escalation of poetry debt—poems that circulate in the market at an economic loss due to their difficulty, incompetence, or irrelevance. Illiquid poetry assets are choking off the flow of imagination that is so vital to our literature.

Tuesday Linkage

I may be in the throes of female hormones, so here are some calming links. + Smugopedia: "Smugopedia is a collection of slightly controversial opinions about a variety of subjects. We offer you the chance to buy a fleeting sense of self-satisfaction at the small cost of alienating your friends and loved ones."

+ It’s Not You, It’s Your Books: Literary dealbreakers. I once dated a guy who had a shelf of Oprah-esque self-help books. I'm not saying that's why I broke up with him.. but we only lasted a week after that discovery.

+ Pretty staircases. Note that the URL is NSFW but the content is very, very SFW. This is my personal favourite (first photo).

+ A Field Guide to Ten Most Common Frontmen Styles. My favourite frontman happens to be a cross between no. 6 and no. 10. Hmm.

+ The Lost Tribes of Green Sahara. Beautiful photography.

+ Sarah Palin is Your New.. What? Many people have opinions on just what who Palin is. I quite like "..Hail Mary" and "Faustian Bargain" but my absolute favourite is "Star Wars: Episodes I - III Plus The Clone Wars". Heh.

Addendum: Booker Shortlist.